I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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