he puts the penis in happiness.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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