i always forget guys have bellybuttons
No stitches, just platelets and will power
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
