and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Randomize
