I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
