I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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