how can u be prego again
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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