it was like his penis was on wheels.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
