Well douche your snatch and let's go!
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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