I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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