Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i think my tv is drunk
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
