I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
