She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
dude. I can hear the air.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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