guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
