In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
