I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I think I sprained my soul last night
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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