So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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