I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
