Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
