maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
