I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
