About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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