I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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