I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
