You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
