sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
