i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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