Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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