Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i think i have two assholes
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
