I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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