Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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