I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
