forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I will be naked everywhere
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
