Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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