another moral hangover. fuck.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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