did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
