he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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