Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Randomize
