Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
