I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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