One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
