Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
