don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
