I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
