Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
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