Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
