the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
