My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
