Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
