Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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