She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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