So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
