Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
