I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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