as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
