I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
